Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Arrrrrr! Cap'n Pombo Plunders CA-11

[The following is a guest post by SNTP’s good friend, “Moby Dick Pombo.”]

Avast Ye Scurvy Dogs! It’s International "Talk Like a Pirate Day!"

An’ "Act like a Pirate Day," too, if ye be darin’ enough like me. Cap'n Richard the Pigeon-Hearted here. An’ actually, me an’ the mates don't just act like pirates one day a year; we be rapin’ an’ pillagin’ the public every day o' the year. An’ the best thing is, it’s all legal, it’s all free, an’ there ain’t no-one in the Justice Department to stop us.

If ye be bold enough to git away with it, like me, ye can pay the salaries of yer First Mate (Steven Ding) an’ yer Second Mate (Brian Kennedy) on the taxpayers’ doubloon. Ye can issue yer campaign PRs disguised as government business, an’ even mail hard-hittin’ pieces of hate against yer opponent using the taxpayers’ pieces o’ eight.

Then usin’ the tribute you exact from other Pirates of the High Seas (Exxon, Cap'n Jack Abramoff, Chief I-Wanna-Casino), you pay the mistress in yer home port (Annette), yer incompetent brudder (Randall), an’ even toss a few bones to yer cabin boy/chief bilge sucker (Carl Fogliani). With a racket goin’ like this, do ye blame me for sayin’ I'd rather walk the plank than honor me commitment to term limits?

So here’s me advice: If ye choose to be a landlubber, stay outta the floodplains. Rather than shiver me timbers, I say cut down the timbers an’ keep on buildin’ like there's no tomorrow. Wood houses will float after all, an’ if we make 'em water-tight, they'll make good pirate ships. We can then use these good ships to attack those enviros in the Bay Area in thar home ports an’ finish 'em off fer good. Before they scare everyone with all that nonsense about global warmin’, which, after all, raises the sea level an’ gives me access to new lands to plunder.

Now, armed with Cap'n Jack's booty, an’ plenty o’ it, I intend to keelhaul this McNerney guy in a barrage of sleaze that'll leave him wishin’ he'd never heard o’ Johnny Depp. After all, with plenty o’ grub an' grog, I don't give a damn about no red-legged frog. Or you, ye scurvy dog. Or anything that ye should write on this here liberal leftist blog. So call me the King of Pork, but never a hog.

Cuz it’s yo ho yo ho a Pirate’s Life for Me
With dismembered whale guts
An’ no ifs, ands or buts
It’s a Pirate's Life for Me!

Yo ho yo ho a Pirate’s Life for Me
You'll be walking the plank
As you fill up yer tank
It’s a Pirate’s Life for Me!

Yo ho yo ho a Pirate's Life for Me
My crew is all scum
But ye all be so dumb
It’s a Pirate's Life for Me!

Arrrrrrrrr Matey!


Anonymous Notorious said...

Oh dear god, someone needs to stop drinking while blogging. This is just awesome!

1:12 AM, September 19, 2006  
Anonymous Tom Benigno said...

That picture is an insult to the Oakland Raiders football team. That would be OK for Tampa Bay. They have a lot of Pombo types in Florida.

Vote Mc Nerney.

Tom Benigno

7:50 AM, September 19, 2006  
Anonymous trollpatrol said...

wtf? i gave myself like ten seconds before i gave up reading...


8:33 AM, September 19, 2006  
Anonymous Rocky Balboa said...

Yo Yo Yo All Youse Guys,

Rocky here. It ain't Yo Ho Yo Ho fer Chrissake, its Yo Yo Yo. Who is dis friggin imposter dats distortin my message anyways?!

Well, I missed all youse guys too, butt me and Adrian and Paulie been in Philly filmin for duh last I dunno how long. I ain't had no friggin time to post nuttin about nuttin, and I been readin bout politics even less. So I dunno whose winnin or losin in dis here Horses Butt race, butt I ass-ume ButtaPombO and Team ButtWipe are still stinkin up duh joint.

Butt I tell you dis: I ate more friggin cheezesteak hoagies in duh last few weeks den ButtaPombO has excuses for takin Jack-off's dough, and I'm still in better shape den friggin Apollo. I mean like Jeezus, I am buff, while Apollo is like scruff. You know what I mean?

Yo Ricky - why don't you cum on over and snap a pitcher of Rocky now like you did a few months ago when I looked like a fat friggin pig like duh King of Pork cited by dis hear Moby Dick Pombo?

Yo Apollo - you still out dere buddy? What about Nick and Mr VPO? Delta? Mr $.02? Youse all still in duh friggin Inner Circle or did youse drop off duh edge of dis friggin blot into duh friggin inkwell of oblivion?

Now duh bad news: I only got a week back in Stock-Town, as we are behind in duh filmin. And Paulie has been dyin to go visit his Chiquita, and me and Adrian, well we got like a millyun tings to catch up wit. Includin visitin Apollo in Low-di, if hes still around.

Butt I promise youse guys dat just like dat udder imposter dat calls himself Duh Terminator:
"I'll be back." Periodically, anyways.

Rocky in, den out. Good to visit wit all of youse. Don't forget to visit my blot for duh latest on duh filmin. We gotta few clips up, and if I ain't still duh greatest den you tell me who is. Yo Apollo - sit down. It ain't you fer Chrissake.

10:43 AM, September 19, 2006  
Anonymous Tom Benigno said...

Yo Rocco Balboa: Tommy Bananas alias BEAN'O, citvoice, Tom Benigno. How are you doing we missed you, what happen did Pombo put you in the trunk again. He has been trying to get me in his trunk but his mobil home has an escape hatch. Beside his wife rides back there sometimes for piece and quite. Where did you go? This site is getting like Gray Davis's recall so quite. We need to raise the roof to get Jerry Mc Nerney elected. Otherwise I'm going to have to run against Pombo in 2008, hell I have no more money. Besides I'm to tired, I will be as old a Mc Closkey and he is older than the OAK trees on his ranch. I hope your doing well. Bye for now.

Elect Mc Nerney

Tommy Bean'o

5:18 PM, September 19, 2006  
Anonymous Rocky Balboa said...

Yo Mr BeanO!

Rocky here. Good to here from you buddy and glad your still out dere. And I sure am glad to see your sayin to hell wit ButtaPombO and his evil stenchmen who continue to stink up dis blot if not duh whole friggin instanet.

Anyways Mr BeanO, you and Duh Fightin One restored my faith in duh friggin Repuglican Party. Youse guys are duh real heros, on accounta duh fact dat too many Reps and Dems have some sorta friggin misguided notion of party loyalty. We is LOYAL AMERICANS foist and fourmost, and LOYAL DEMS OR REPS SECOND. Am I right about dis or wrong about dat?

Anyways Mr BeanO, if you and dis McClosky guy get even HALF of yer supporters to vote fer McNerny on Nov 7 den ButtaPombO will be flushed down duh friggin toilet fer good. Right where he belongs. Can youse two guys actually pull dis off?

And Mr BeanO, if Rocky could like ask you fer one more favor, you got any free samples I can pass on to Paulie? He went out for Mexican food and to see his Chiquita only about 15 minutes ago, and me and Adrian is all butt panicked about whats gonna happen when he gets back. You know what I mean? Paulie ain't had free-holies in like 6-8 weeks, you know what I'm sayin? HELP!

Rocky out. Yo Delta - good to see you is still dealin. Apollo - you out dere you chump? I'll lay you odds dat Mr $.02 will ante up soon. I hope so, as Rocky only gonna be here fer like a week or so.

7:13 PM, September 19, 2006  

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