Arrrrrr! Cap'n Pombo Plunders CA-11

[The following is a guest post by SNTP’s good friend, “Moby Dick Pombo.”]

Avast Ye Scurvy Dogs! It’s International "Talk Like a Pirate Day!"

An’ "Act like a Pirate Day," too, if ye be darin’ enough like me. Cap'n Richard the Pigeon-Hearted here. An’ actually, me an’ the mates don't just act like pirates one day a year; we be rapin’ an’ pillagin’ the public every day o' the year. An’ the best thing is, it’s all legal, it’s all free, an’ there ain’t no-one in the Justice Department to stop us.

If ye be bold enough to git away with it, like me, ye can pay the salaries of yer First Mate (Steven Ding) an’ yer Second Mate (Brian Kennedy) on the taxpayers’ doubloon. Ye can issue yer campaign PRs disguised as government business, an’ even mail hard-hittin’ pieces of hate against yer opponent using the taxpayers’ pieces o’ eight.

Then usin’ the tribute you exact from other Pirates of the High Seas (Exxon, Cap'n Jack Abramoff, Chief I-Wanna-Casino), you pay the mistress in yer home port (Annette), yer incompetent brudder (Randall), an’ even toss a few bones to yer cabin boy/chief bilge sucker (Carl Fogliani). With a racket goin’ like this, do ye blame me for sayin’ I'd rather walk the plank than honor me commitment to term limits?

So here’s me advice: If ye choose to be a landlubber, stay outta the floodplains. Rather than shiver me timbers, I say cut down the timbers an’ keep on buildin’ like there's no tomorrow. Wood houses will float after all, an’ if we make 'em water-tight, they'll make good pirate ships. We can then use these good ships to attack those enviros in the Bay Area in thar home ports an’ finish 'em off fer good. Before they scare everyone with all that nonsense about global warmin’, which, after all, raises the sea level an’ gives me access to new lands to plunder.

Now, armed with Cap'n Jack's booty, an’ plenty o’ it, I intend to keelhaul this McNerney guy in a barrage of sleaze that'll leave him wishin’ he'd never heard o’ Johnny Depp. After all, with plenty o’ grub an' grog, I don't give a damn about no red-legged frog. Or you, ye scurvy dog. Or anything that ye should write on this here liberal leftist blog. So call me the King of Pork, but never a hog.

Cuz it’s yo ho yo ho a Pirate’s Life for Me
With dismembered whale guts
An’ no ifs, ands or buts
It’s a Pirate's Life for Me!

Yo ho yo ho a Pirate’s Life for Me
You'll be walking the plank
As you fill up yer tank
It’s a Pirate’s Life for Me!

Yo ho yo ho a Pirate's Life for Me
My crew is all scum
But ye all be so dumb
It’s a Pirate's Life for Me!

Arrrrrrrrr Matey!

Tags: CA-11, Richard Pombo, TLAPD, Talk Like A Pirate Day, plundering, looting, pillaging, Jack Abramoff, Exxon, Jerry McNerney